Mornings at our house are rarely joyful. Today was no exception. As we were scurrying out the door, Eli suddenly remembered an assignment that was due today. Since I'd asked him seven times last night if he had homework, my response was less than enthusiastic. He begged me to take him to school late so he could finish it. He even brought out the big guns by inserting, "It will have an effect on my grade." I held my ground, and marched out to the car. He finally emerged, accompanied by the resounding slam of our front door.
An email arrived from his teacher last week expressing concern over his midterm grades. His grades had fallen dramatically as a result of missing assignments. This is the first year I haven't physically taken inventory of his backpack when he walks in the door after school, in an attempt to give him more responsibility. He's also been doing more assignments without my assistance, partly due to my lack of sixth grade math skills. I felt his midterm grades were likely evidence that he's been impacted by recent events in our family.
I'm a member of a caregivers site (
http://www.caregiving.com/), which has been a great source of support. I came across this post on their Facebook page yesterday:
"A family member with a chronic illness needs your care, which can mean your kids sometimes must wait. Or do without. Or manage on their own. And, oh!, the guilt can really eat at you, so much so that you might be tempted to let your kids off the hook. But then you've got little monsters living with you. When parenting and caregiving collide, do you let your kids off the hook? Do you find yourself doing too much for your kids or buying them too much or overlooking too much?"
I'm pretty sure I gasped out loud when I read this since I can relate so well. I frequently worry if my feelings of guilt are causing me to be too lenient with Eli. Well-meaning friends have implied as much. In my desire to provide normalcy, I fear I'm too relenting. I often jokingly call myself a "slacker mom" as opposed to "soccer mom", but some truth hides behind the words. Even though I'm fully aware that structure and rules are essential for his confidence, I continue to struggle for the right balance. In trying to compensate for what Jason often can't contribute, I make mistakes. I pray I can find ways to turn this around...even though he would surely make a cute monster.
