Do Not Be Afraid

We went to KU yesterday for Jason's initial appointment.  It was a fairly uneventful visit, but necessary in order to move forward in the transplant process.  We met briefly with a pre-transplant nurse, social worker, and financial specialist.  The rest of our time was spent with a few other patients in a class that covered the details of transplant.
The next step will be medical testing so they can determine if Jason is a candidate.  They will request his records from St. Luke's, so may not need to repeat every test.  He will be seen by their cardiologist at some point.  On our end, we need to obtain clearance from his dentist.  Once this part is completed, the transplant team will meet to make a decision.
Jason has been feeling pretty well for the past few weeks, aside from a cold that his wife was nice enough to share.  Last month's labs showed that he was at 10% kidney function.  His kidney doctor felt we could wait a bit longer before starting dialysis since he's not showing many symptoms yet. We will do labs again next week.
Throughout our marriage, Jason loved getting away to Kansas City for the day.  We explored every area of the city many times, and had favorite spots.  Since he always drove, I never grew comfortable finding my way around.  Our friend Keith was kind enough to accompany us yesterday, and drove so I wouldn't be stressed.  He is indispensable, and a constant support.  At one point in the day, I asked Jason, "What would we do without Keith?"  He answered simply, "Struggle."
Our church family wrote encouraging notes for us, which we read on the way to the appointment yesterday.  We were extremely touched by this gesture.  One especially moving note was written by a young girl named Abbey. At the end she wrote, "I hope whoever is giving up the kidney will know that it is going for a very nice, loving, and strong man."
Several times over the past month, I've heard the admonition "do not be afraid".  One friend reminded me how often the Bible tells us not to be afraid.  The following week, Keith preached a lesson on this very topic.  I lost track of how many times he said those four words that morning.  When I opened the note from sweet Abbey yesterday, the words from a verse she included leaped off the page:  "do not fear for I am with you". While this process holds much uncertainty, there is no room for fear in the face of such a powerful promise.
"Don't be afraid, for I am with you. Don't be discouraged, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you." (Isaiah 41:10)

Even Though I Don't Know You, I Still Love You!

Over the past few months, blessings have been heaped upon our family.  While this time of year is often magical, we have received unexpected gifts in abundance.  God continues to sustain us in enormous ways.  We deeply feel the generosity of others.
A couple months ago, we began receiving encouraging notes from a church in Bellevue, Nebraska.  It was incredibly comforting to know we were being lifted in prayer.  Many of the members haven't even met our family.  We recently learned this congregation took up a special collection.  Our family was one of those chosen to be blessed through this.  We feel the peace of knowing money is set aside for the months ahead when I will be unable to work.  
A dear family friend sent a gift with strict instructions to me.  Her note read, "I want you to use half of this money on yourself-a massage or a new dress, whatever.  I insist-for your own health."  I felt extremely touched by this rare treat.  I must admit to a certain weakness for beauty and hair products, so was quite happy to indulge a bit.
It seemed each trip to the mailbox produced delight.  One day brought a Walmart gift card from a family member.  I was able to make a substantial dent in Eli's wish list with this.  Another day brought gift cards from the church of my youth.  The next day brought yet another gift card from the very same church of my youth.  These will be essential in helping us through the months ahead.  
When my parents were here this week celebrating the holidays, they brought an envelope for us.  A couple they worship with in Houston always helps someone this time of year, and decided to bless our family.  We received another tremendous gift from someone we've never met.
A few months ago, I was told about a program called Coins For Christ.  The children at a congregation in York, Nebraska collect coins, and find ways to bless others.  I was so pleased to hear they had chosen to collect for Eli.  I sent a picture of Eli so they could put a face with his name.  These sweet children prayed about Eli for months.  A package arrived the week before Christmas, filled with cards made by the children. These cards were overflowing with precious words such as, "God is faithful"..."Even though I don't know you, I still love you"..."Have hope".  One child wrote, "I don't know how it feels, but I know it is hard."  Eli read each word on Christmas morning.  A check was included for our family.  That must have been one heavy jar of coins!
There are not enough ways to express our gratitude.  We know the new year will bring changes for our family.  We feel fortified to face them, secure in the knowledge that we are not alone.

“Feeling gratitude and not expressing it is like wrapping a present and not giving it.”― William Arthur Ward

Too Many To Declare

God continues to provide for our family through the overwhelming generosity of others.  Before we can even anticipate or express a need, it is abundantly met.  Today our family received an extraordinary gift from the church in Vermillion, South Dakota.
My dad began preaching for this congregation when I was around eight years old.  We were an extremely small group, often numbering less than thirty.  We grew to be as close as family over the years.  Not only did we spend hours together each week during worship, we also orchestrated frequent get togethers.  I have wonderful memories of playing flag football in our cow pasture, volleyball wherever we could set up a net, and croquet in back yards. We ate banana bars and jello topped with bananas and Cool Whip.  We took advantage of the extra snowfall by sailing on a sled...which was attached by a chain to a surprisingly fast tractor.  One of my favorite activities was playing hide and seek in the pitch black cornfields close to our farm.
These friendships formed so long ago have stayed with me through the years.  Even without seeing each other often, the feelings endure.  When my grandma passed away two years ago, our friends from Vermillion drove to Nebraska for the funeral.  I honestly cannot express how much this display of support touched us.  Those relationships we weave in childhood can help sustain us when life unravels.

"Many, Lord my God, are the wonders you have done, the things you planned for us. None can compare with you; were I to speak and tell of your deeds, they would be too many to declare." (Psalm 40:5)

Be With Me, Lord

My earliest childhood memories of church took place inside a big white building in Yankton, South Dakota.  My sister and I sat ever so quietly on a wooden pew, since Dad had a great view from the pulpit to observe our best behavior during his sermons.  The song leader knew of my affection for hymn number 31, Be With Me, Lord, so sent a smile in my direction each of the numerous times he led it just for me.  After services, we happily soaked up attention from everyone around us.  One man used to love to tug on my pigtails, while another teased us by calling my sister and me "boys" every chance he got.  We enjoyed potluck dinners downstairs, and grew to expect tater tot casserole and taco salad.  Before leaving for home, the adults would chat inside while we escaped to the front steps and lawn to play with our friends.  During these years, not only did I learn that Zacchaeus was a wee little man, but also the meaning of growing in love one toward another.
Although years and miles separate us now, I still strongly associate this congregation with the word "home". They have continually prayed for our family over the years as we faced various trials, and reached out to us over and over again.  Today we received a tremendous gift from them to help with our recent struggles.  We are immensely grateful.

"Be with me, Lord, I cannot live without Thee,
I dare not try to take one step alone,
I cannot bear the loads of life, unaided,
I need Thy strength to lean myself upon."

While I've since learned her first name was Ella, as a child I only knew her as Sister Craig.  I've still never tasted homemade bread as good as hers.

One of my first friends at church.

Close buddies.

Blessed Beyond Measure

I can't let another day end without expressing gratitude to those who walked with us these past two weeks.  During the long hours of Jason's initial transplant appointments, a friend sat with us.  His presence was calming and reassuring.  Another friend made time in his busy schedule to investigate the noises under the hood of our car.  When it became apparent that our engine had breathed its last, my dad and brother-in-law stepped in.  Since I was simply unable to focus at that time on a solution, they quietly worked behind the scenes to decide whether we should repair our car or purchase another one.  My sister handed me the keys to her van to use as long as I needed.
My mom came to stay with Eli so I could be with Jason while he was admitted for evaluation.  She bravely tackled the linen closet, which was the scene of my defeat in the battle against folding fitted sheets.  She organized the pantry and once again made the kitchen sink shine.  She helped with homework, made meatloaf which was deemed better than mine (which, believe me, is no small feat), and initiated special chats at the bus stop each morning before school.
After we received the decision about transplant, I went for a walk to make some phone calls.  As the elevator doors opened, friends waited just on the other side with comforting hugs.  They stayed throughout the lengthy process of discharge, which finally occurred long after Jason had gotten dressed in anticipation.  They brought us home after fortifying us with Winstead's burgers.
We picked up our car from the repair shop today.  She'd had quite the makeover, with years shaved off her life by an engine with a mere 52,000 miles.  Before I'd even had time to work out a repayment plan with my parents, we received an overwhelming anonymous gift to help cover repairs.  After we returned from a drive, a friend delivered a beautiful basket to our home.  Friends from church had loaded it with lovely goodies and encouraging notes.  We are continually blessed beyond measure.
We had an appointment with Jason's kidney doctor last Thursday.  St. Luke's had felt Jason was ready for dialysis, and were actually planning to begin while he was admitted had we ended up staying another day.  His kidney doctor, however, feels we can wait a bit longer.  She told us that recent studies show there is no benefit to starting earlier.  She hopes to put it off until he reaches 10% function...he is currently at 15%.  At this point, I am still planning to do dialysis at home.  We haven't completely ruled out the possibility of seeking another opinion regarding transplant.  While he was at St. Luke's, Jason's labs showed a toxic level of Dilantin (anti-seizure medicine) in his blood, caused by his kidney failure.  This likely explains his recent increase in falls and lack of balance.  We are tapering off the medicine with hopes of stopping it altogether.  We pray this improves his mobility.

"Yes, my soul, find rest in God; my hope comes from Him.  Truly He is my rock and my salvation; He is my fortress, I will not be shaken." (Psalm 62:5-6)

He Shall Sustain Thee

Jason was admitted to St. Luke's on Monday to undergo evaluation for transplant.  Before he had even settled in with the tv remote, someone arrived to take him for a chest x-ray.  A whirlwind of activity followed with a myriad of tests and a constant flow of medical teams into his room.  We told the story of his health history over and over again.  As the test results came back, each medical team visited with positive results.  He was eventually cleared for transplant by cardiology, neurology, pulmonology, endocrinology, and hematology.  We grew more hopeful by the hour.
Around noon on Tuesday, we met the transplant surgeon for the first time.  Although she was extremely kind and genuine, the news she delivered was devastating.  She told us the transplant team had decided the risks associated with surgery and recovery were too high for Jason.  They were concerned about him falling after surgery, since the new kidney wouldn't be well-protected.  She also expressed concern about bleeding since Jason's on a blood thinner for a clotting disorder.  Finally, she indicated that the anti-rejection medication could exacerbate his memory issues, and impact his quality of life.
We returned home later that evening to a little boy eager for news of his dad.  We have been trying to process and come to terms with our profound disappointment.  We appreciate your continued prayers for peace and strength.
"Cast thy burden upon the Lord, and He shall sustain thee; He shall never suffer the righteous to be moved." (Psalm 55:22)

Full Steam Ahead

The date that had been staring at me on the calendar for weeks finally arrived yesterday.  We spent a full day at St. Luke's in Kansas City.  We started the morning in an educational class absorbing general information about kidney transplants.  Our next appointment was with our own personal transplant coordinator.  She went over Jason's health history and more details that were specific to him being considered as a candidate.  After a stop in the lab for bloodwork, we had an appointment with a financial specialist, followed by a meeting with a social worker.

The national average time on a waiting list is three to five years, while this hospital's time is closer to just one year.  Our coordinator told us that one patient was placed on the waiting list, and received a kidney the very next day!  She told us there was even a possibility that Jason could have a transplant before he reached the point of needing dialysis.  

As part of the continuing evaluation process, Jason will be admitted to St. Luke's next Monday.  He will stay for three or four days while being seen by physicians and undergoing further testing.  We are making arrangements so that I can stay there with him during this time.

We feel blessed to be surrounded by unfailing support and concern.  We appreciate all the prayers on our behalf.  The road ahead doesn't seem nearly as steep since we're being held up on every side.

"Now to Him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to His power that is at work within us, to Him be glory." (Ephesians 3:20-21a)