Before

Last night I dreamed about Jason...from before. Before those few precious minutes without oxygen. Before the coma and the ICU. Before ventilators and feeding tubes. Before our lives were forever altered. Although these dreams are fairly frequent, I had a difficult time shaking them off today. They seemed determined to follow behind me like a stubborn shadow. Whenever I allow myself to stop and dwell on what Jason has lost, it's nearly more than I can bear. When my thoughts linger too long on what we've lost as a couple and as a family, my heart breaks. In these darkest moments, I remember that God is still working. I need only to look back and see how far Jason has come in the past four years. I find peace in knowing that He walks with me in these days...after.