Fight Song

These thoughts have been weighing on my heart for a long time, but I've wrestled with the decision to write them down. Lately they've become more persistent, so I wanted to try and express them. These are not all my own thoughts; some are words my sister told me during her cancer journey. She mentioned them several times, and wrote me a message about them six months before we lost her. She told me that she'd been thinking about discussing the topic on her CaringBridge blog soon. Since she didn't end up getting this done, I've felt some responsibility to do it for her. My sister struggled with the idea of cancer patients being encouraged to stay strong or being applauded for their strength. In her words, she said, "It is all the 'fight like a girl' or 'cancer fought with the wrong person'...I thought I would say that sometimes cancer is stronger no matter what we do." Cancer journeys are referred to as a fight or a battle, but too often this disease is an invincible foe, no matter what weapons are desperately hurled. She understood that not all cancer patients would share her opinion, especially those with a different prognosis. I think many are bolstered by the feelings of control these words can bring during a time when everything feels beyond their control. The hard part comes when no amount of strength can change the outcome of a diagnosis. You can be super strong in dealing with the indignities of surgeries and treatments or show unimaginable strength of spirit in the face of heartbreak, but simply being strong enough cannot cure the incurable. My sister did show undeniable strength and grace during those four years, even while enduring cruel side effects and disappointment after disappointment as each treatment eventually stopped working. But I'm sad at the thought of her ever feeling pressure to be unfailingly strong and resilient. I am trying to hold on to all the lessons I learned from my wise big sister, and just wanted to share this one in case it might help someone else.