My sister fights dirty. She'd been telling me for weeks that I needed a little break. She kept finding ways to slip the idea into our routine conversations. One day she casually mentioned that Houston would be a perfect destination. I could finally see my parents' new house and visit my brothers and their families. Although the thought was extremely appealing, in my heart, I just couldn't fathom such an idea. Whenever I expressed my misgivings, she asked me to list my reservations. I know she showed great restraint and tried not to push me. Finally, two weeks ago, I found an email from her that was titled: "Read this--sound familiar??" Apparently, my sister had been seeking reinforcement online. This is a portion of the article she shared with me: "...when trying to schedule vacation time, caregivers can often feel guilty for trying to carry on and have a normal life. Additionally, fond memories of past vacations, when the loved one was still healthy, create a downward spiral with feelings of loss and sadness. When caring for another, a caregiver often neglects their own well-being, oftentimes not even seeing themselves as a caregiver, but simply as a loving family member, doing what needs to be done. Realize that your happiness is what your loved one wants most from you, and that you do them honor by living a balanced and fulfilled life." No fair, sister! She knew I could fully relate to these thoughts since they were some of my best excuses I'd been feeding her.
Jason used to love going to Houston. We went nearly every summer after Eli was born. Our last trip there was in 2007, just a few months before he started getting sick. I wondered how I could possibly make that trip without him.
As I prayed and wrestled with my conflicting emotions, I truly did not feel I was strong enough to be away from Jason and Eli. My sister gently pressed me to at least pick a weekend that might work. I grudgingly agreed with her that the weekend of June 18th would be the best option for everyone involved. At the beginning of last week, I went ahead with my normal responsibilities and scheduled housecleaning jobs for the week. Although I honestly hadn't made a final decision, without thinking it through, I scheduled a job for Friday. I don't remember mentioning this to my sister, but found a message waiting from her the next morning. She expressed how sad she'd been when she heard I'd made a commitment for Friday, since that told her I'd decided not to go. Her message was so touching and helped me realize how much my family could benefit from my respite. Nothing like pulling out the big guns, sister! On Tuesday night, I posted John Denver's "Leaving On A Jet Plane" to Facebook, with the comment, "Ok, sister...you win!"
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