My sister has ever been my protector and strength. She is the very definition of unconditional love. When we were young, I continually tucked her hidden trove of wild cherry Lifesavers in my cheeks or gave her Holly Hobbie doll stylish hair makeovers. She loved me still. I went through a rather moody and sullen phase during my early teenage years when I wasn't exactly a joyful companion. She showed me kindness anyway. She was always finding new ways to encourage and uplift me. While she was away at college, she routinely entreated her male friends to write me letters. It's hard to describe the impact this had on an awkward overweight high school girl.
My sister and I lived together in a duplex during my last two years of college since she was teaching there at the time. I didn't prove to be an exemplary roommate. When it was my turn to wash the dishes, they tended to pile up and up. This occasionally resulted in a mad scramble to stash them away in my closet whenever we learned our grandmother was en route for a visit. Even so, my sister remained my steadfast confidant.
It would seem that becoming an adult didn't magically render me entirely self-reliant. If I were to sit here and type all night, I would still be unable to relay how my sister has supported me at every turn. She is the one who rocked little Eli to sleep the nights I needed to stay beside Jason's hospital bed. She offered wise counsel during our times of financial hardship. She is the one who rushed to my side in the ICU at 3am when the chaplain called her after Jason coded. She regularly insisted that I take respite trips whenever my caregiving tasks became overwhelming. So, while I was in Chicago eating Lou Malnati's pizza or clapping at a Counting Crows concert, she was giving Jason insulin shots and shampooing my carpets. She went through the training for home dialysis so she could help be my back-up when I traveled to spend time with Dad during his cancer fight. She is the one who came to my door to tell me that his fight was over. She drove Eli to chess tournaments and youth rallies, and included him on family trips. She sat with me in a hospital waiting room well past bedtime while Jason received a new kidney. Even now, in the midst of her oncology appointments and an already heaping plate of responsibilities, she has been exploring solutions for our housing situation and walking me through homeschooling and the college application process. She is my staunch cheerleader, my sage sounding board, my abiding support.
It has taken me some time to find my words and get my bearings since learning of her cancer diagnosis. How to convey the absolute unfairness and utter helplessness I feel? My singular goal is to add my strength to hers as she battles this.
"Is solace anywhere more comforting than in the arms of a sister?" -Alice Walker
